Anyway, I went in and scanned the aisles for some peppercorns. 

I gave up in the search and decided to ask the fella with the white coat.  It’s unlike me to ask, I usually circle round and round til I find what I need and it’s only when I have thoroughly exhausted this search do I approach the men in white coats.  Anyway, on this occasion I musta waltzed around the aisles enough to make me dizzy.  So I say to yer man “excuse me, do ye have any peppercorns?”

Yer man opens his mouth and goes “ah!” as he strides longleggedly round the corner, I follow him and he leads me to the popcorn. 

“Eh, that’s popcorn, I asked for peppercorns?”

“Aaaaaah” he says with more passion this time and strides off out the front door of the shop… 

“Where are you taking me now?” I asked him.  “I don’t think ye’d be keeping the peppercorns outside”

He leads me to the row of fresh peppers and looks at me as if he has given birth to them or something…

“Eh YEAH… they are peppers…  I asked you for peppercorns…”

Now he slows down and kinda gives me a puzzling look. 

I soften and explain that I am looking for the other half of the salt&pepper pair, but in it’s whole form, before you do the grindy grindy thing”

“You want salt?”

“No, I want it’s long lost brother – Pepper”

“Oh Ok, yes, we don’t have/that will be delivered on Friday”

“I don’t think it’ll be delivered on Friday, I think you don’t understand me and you’re brushing me under the It-will-be-delivered-on-Friday rug” I said to a misunderstanding face.

So I leave him to his confusion and approach another white coat.

“Excuse me, do you speak English?”

“Yes, yes!” he says in broken English, but I make a mental note to give him a chance before I bollick him.

Do you have any peppercorns?…