Just got a bag a carrots from the co-op on Forest Hill Rd.  Big long queue as usual but shur ’twas worth the wait cuz this bag a carrots was only 49p…

Yes indeedy, grand an’ cheap for the strugglin’ actor.  I pop Stevie Wonder into the CD player to get me in the mood…

…and on I go to a spot of peeling.  The peeler is grand an’ sharp and the skin eases off gently, aaaaaaah!

Here they are now, all peeled and all lined up and like lambs to the slaughter…

I chop like a madwoman for a further 5 minutes or so, til I have some lovely orange shapes in the saucepan…

Now next, you get some emmm… veggie stock cubes…  I discover I’ve only one left, blast it anyway.

Yera it’ll be grand I’d say…

Pour the stock over the waiting carrots very gently.  Everything in my kitchen is done with tender loving care…The carrots are just lapping it up, they’re squiggling around now in their Jacuzzi of stock…

Cover with a lid and let it do its thing.

“Superstition” comes on and my feet start to move involuntarily across the kitchen floor.

 I start throwing unbelievable shapes, high jumps and moon walking n everything – I’m like Michael Jackson…

Back to the carrots though.  It’s important not to get too carried away at this stage.

Very important things are going on inside those curved walls.  Let it linger away.  Don’t interfere with the process.  All that dancing around can be tiresome enough and some time needs killing, so I chill and let Stevie sing to me.  He tells me he has a problem in his life…  Tell me all about it Stevie, I’m all ears and I’ll sing along with you when the chorus comes along…

I drift away until it’s time to do a bit of stabbing…

I love that part.  It isn’t everyday you get to stab something.  It’s liberating!  Try it!

It’s almost time for the crushing device.  Be careful not to burn yourself with the splatters coming off this thing.

Next comes the best bit… the tasting! Oh holy Mother of Mercy and Devine Jesus hold me back!

Now, I really hate to blow my own trumpet, but this here is something unworldly.  It’s nectar of the Gods…  It’s tantalising!  It’s driving my taste buds bananas!  Oh my God!  Wow!  Yes! …Yes! YES!