An Actor waits…

I am filled with wonder today.  I feel like my existence has been noted and I have been counted.  I sometimes find myself in that familiar corridor which is lined with inviting doors that do not open for me.  It’s a frustrating place if I allow myself to feel victimised by it.  This is where I find myself at this point in my life…  I do all I can given the tools I have.  I believe.  I hope that this belief will manifest itself physically.  The rest is beyond my control.   So I accept the position I find myself in and observe what is around me. What fills me with wonder is that sometimes you can forget about where you want to be and give yourself a few things to occupy your mind… meaningless things like worries, fears, a routine… and then, seemingly out of nowhere, a bolt from the blue, a little parcel falls from the sky.  I drop all the things that I have been holding and take the parcel in my hand. I dream of what’s inside.  I don’t always want to open it as sometimes my dreams are a nicer gift to myself than the contents of the parcel.  I wonder if this is what I have been waiting for.  I decide that I won’t open the parcel until I have reached a frame of mind whereby if the contents are not what I want, then I won’t be disappointed.  So I set the parcel aside and pick up my trivial pursuits.  I think about how isolated I feel but I know I am not alone when I remind myself that things must be going on elsewhere that this parcel has come to me.  It is a sign that things are moving.  I have not been forgotten about.  It’s a reminder that my request is still out there swirling around, moving people this way and that,  causing people to write, telephone, look, think, ask, remind, question, agree, choose…